It happened again. As I boarded a plane for Phoenix a couple of weeks ago, I stumbled upon another social media post from an adoptive white parent of a black son, proclaiming to the world their fears about raising a “brown” boy in today’s white America. Alongside a beautiful photo of this father lovingly embracing all of his biologically white and adopted “brown” children, he wrote about the unfairness of “THE TALK” he must have with his “brown” son about policing in America. He detailed how this talk will most likely shake his young son’s emotional world, yet it is a necessary evil of these times. The father concluded with sentimental fears for his son’s very life.
In simplistic terms, the post aroused both my anger and my pity. Anger, because I believe that the post is highly counterproductive to the father’s hopes for his son, and pity for the child, due to the father’s faulty reasoning and misplaced fears. More on that later.
Before I go on, I need to clearly state that I hold every adoptive parent in very high esteem, including all of the love, time, and energy required. “High esteem” is doubtless too weak of a phrase. I’m well aware of the great sacrifices (and great blessings) involved with this decision to adopt, and these parents have undoubtedly changed the lives of their adopted child. So the world owes them a debt of gratitude, as the children are our future (cue Whitney). My Aunt and Uncle have adopted twice, including a child from Guatemala, and my sentiment holds true for them. So with a deep appreciation as my backdrop, I’m writing this article assuming the father’s social media post was purely genuine, including his stated fears being authentic. I further suppose he was not seeking the benefits of public pity, social media popularity, or knowingly spreading counterproductive falsehoods. However, these outcomes have all emerged anyway as byproducts of the father’s public memo.
So, with my preamble out of the way, here are my unfiltered thoughts.
Dear WAP (woke adoptive parent), these types of social media posts matter to our nation, now more than ever. Everyone respects you for simply being an adoptive parent, so much so that most folks feel they lack the moral authority to push back on your sentiments with a coherent counter perspective. Further, they are afraid to speak publicly as the woke mob would doubtless bare their fangs. For example, I might push back on your premises with some simple logical questions, but I could lose my job over it if you (or some blue-haired gender studies major) contacted my company’s HR department. The examples of this happening are endless. Therefore, the outcome of what remains in public view on social media is an apparent wholesale agreement with your sentiment and the ensuing likes, hugs, and heart emojis you gain for the popularly agreed-upon message.
Side Note: This may come as a surprise, but many of the same folks who are most behind the philosophies of systemic racism and white privilege today are these particular folks who disdain your adoption of black children. If you don’t know these people, you should get to know them, because I’m not sure you understand from where all of this is coming. If you believe these folks have nothing to do with your current thoughts on race, you may not know quite how deep the rabbit hole goes.
Here’s a link on that particular topic: https://www.lifenews.com/2020/09/28/media-attacks-amy-comey-barretts-kids-shes-a-white-colonizer-for-adopting-black-children/
I write this because American race relations are at stake and what we have seen in our cities for the last 14 months proves it. At this point, I’ve seen so many folks like yourself employ a combination of overblown emotionalism and unjustified fear when discussing this issue that it has lost any persuasive power with me. From the time I saw Alex Haley’s “Roots” at nine years old, I’ve cared deeply about race relations in America and have studied the issue at length. I’ve worked and played sports with black folks all my life, all over the country. I could go on and on about the personal nature of my attention to these matters, but I’m going to stick to the facts, as I hope you will. Ultimately, the right or wrong diagnosis and prescriptions for these issues have international ramifications, well beyond your family and friends or mine. So the facts matter right now in a significant way.
I believe the underlying assumptions shared within your post are pervasive and popular, yet demonstrably false. Your narrative projects the idea that your brown-skinned son is in grave danger from cops in general and white cops in particular. The mainstream media lends its total weight to your argument, and so the majority of people subscribe to the same “group think”, and yet somehow believe themselves brave for thinking it.
If white supremacy, privilege, conscious or unconscious bias are so prevalent in America, why do you receive such positive feedback on social media? If all of the supposed “structures of inequality” were truly leading to disproportionate rates of white-on-black crime, or turning a blind eye to police brutality, or keeping whites in positions of power, then why do all these white people trip all over themselves trying to agree with you? Why did nearly all of America post black squares on Instagram last year? Why did BLM receive hundreds of millions of dollars from corporations last year (like all of them)? Why are black and brown people trying to enter this country in droves of hundreds of thousands? Food for thought.
The truth is, I don’t entirely blame you for feeling the way you do. From Lebron James to the universities, to the Coca-Cola company and mainstream media, the negative racial narrative you adhere to is broadcast constantly from all directions. It’s like a mental weight on our brains, pressing in on every side.
Here are some examples:
Lebron James (and many other sports millionaires) promote black fears and ideas about white racism constantly, while their entourages of white employees and fans serve them hand and foot 24/7. Recently, I’m sad to say Lebron’s racial ramblings have recently shifted from dishonest to dangerous for our police with the case of Mi’Khia Bryant.
Oprah’s apparent full-time job these days is to bring down the “white racist structures of oppression.” I believe she must have amnesia since she became a black female icon and billionaire in the 80s and 90s from the same white middle class that has apparently opposed and oppressed her all along.
This same “group think” by most of our celebrities and institutions has now bled over into what we see in the populace at large. Unfortunately, most folks have adhered so tightly to this popular racial paradigm that they leave no room for critical thinking, as they have so emotionally invested in it with a religious-like fervor.
In your case, it appears to me that the death of Duante Wright was the inspiration for your post. And I get it; the mainstream media story about Duante goes something like this, “A racist white female cop shot a black boy because of his skin color.” The end.
But it’s so unfair and dishonest. As usual, they are using a shovel to club something into our heads instead of using a scalpel to dissect the truth with care.
Here’s the unpopular truth about that incident: Duante already had a warrant for his arrest due to owning an unregistered gun. He tried to flee the scene suddenly while being handcuffed, jumped in his car to drive away, and the startled female officer made the most significant policing error of her life. You can hear it in her voice when she realizes that she shot him. She accidentally pulled her gun instead of the taser. After all that we’ve seen last year, do you truly believe that a white officer like her would have intentionally shot a black kid in broad daylight? I don’t. Not even a little bit.
Everything going on in Minneapolis regarding race at this moment is based on a fabrication that only survives by the suppression of the truth. I can hardly even bear to watch it anymore. More people will die and more lives will be hurt, because of the oft-proclaimed and popular media narrative you are promoting, that much I can guarantee you.
I would argue that the first and most important reason Duante W. and George F. and Breonna T. died (I could go on with MANY others) is because they all made foolish choices, both in the moment and over time, and not because of their skin color. These same choices would have put a white, Asian, or Latino person in grave danger as well. Stupid decisions that you should tell ALL of your sons and daughters, white OR black, to NEVER EVER make.
So let’s get real for a minute and start with the verifiable facts and statistics, regardless of popular opinion or the suppression & spin of the mainstream media:
Did you know:
White people die from police interactions far more often than blacks, even though blacks are involved in crime at a far higher rate. So even when adjusting for both population percentage and crime rates, it comes out pretty close between whites and blacks, but blacks do a bit better.
Here are some verifiable stats for you from 2019, which are also true on average from
2016-2019. 2020 I have not looked at yet.
- There are 328,000,000 people in the US right now including about 44,000,000 black people. There are around 900,000 police officers. This equates to about 50 million police interactions on average each year between all police and all civilians, regardless of race. All these interactions resulted in 1,000 people being killed by the police (on average) in recent years, with almost all suspects resisting with a weapon or resisting violently. Of the 1,000 killed annually, approximately 250 are black, and 500 are white.
- The percentage of police shootings that involve a cop and an unarmed black suspect is TINY at 4% of the total (14 total in 2019).
- In all of 2019, only 14 unarmed blacks were shot and killed by the police, with 13 of the 14 resisting arrest or going for the officer’s firearm. So, when we remove those who were resisting violently, it drops to 1 person. ONE.
- In all of 2019, 20 people in the US were killed from being struck by lightning. So, an unarmed black person is more likely to be struck by lightning than killed by a cop.
- A police officer is 18.5 times more likely to be killed by a black male than an unarmed black male is to be killed by a police officer.
- There were 246 black people murdered by whites in the US in 2019.
- There were 566 white people murdered by blacks in the US in 2019
- In Chicago ALONE, there have been 349 black people murdered in the past 365 days, almost entirely black on black. READ THAT AGAIN.
- As of 2019, the shooting of unarmed blacks is down 63% from 2015, when Obama was in office.
There is nothing wrong with wanting your black sons and daughters to outlive you. I hope so too. Here’s the best way to ensure that:
- Stay in his life. Fatherlessness of black boys is the number one problem and the highest correlating factor in black incarceration.
- Don’t move to an inner-city with liberal democrat politics (stay in a red state and red city where the policies equate to far less crime in general- especially with minorities).
- Teach your son respect and basic decency, especially with cops.
Help him embrace his sense of adventure in life.
- Teach him the relationship between responsibility and meaning in life.
- Challenge him to be an overcomer and goal setter, not a victim.
I guarantee you these things will have 100 fold the value of protecting your son over injecting a narrative of paranoia and fear about the cops in his head.
Blaming white racism or white subconscious bias on everything is NOT the answer, but this is exactly what is happening. The answers of BLM and the hard left are to “defund the police”, burn down “the systems” and receive reparations to “get justice.” These ideas are already harming everyone-especially blacks, just ask the black business owners of our major cities, as well as the victims of increased crime.
I’ll submit to you that there has never been a better time to be a mature and level-headed black person in America. If they are on the right politically, they will be embraced and loved by conservatives for their bravery to stand against lies and practicing common sense. If they are politically on the left, they will be immediately given every advantage, regardless of merit. Universities will take them first, and at even lower standards for them if they have to. These same universities all have full-time diversity and inclusion offices that busy themselves trying to sniff out even the slightest hint of racial bias (from whites only mind you), to ensure a campus-wide “safe space” from anything that might upset them. Corporations (seemingly ALL of them) want to “promote black voices” and give them priority when hiring. While at the same time companies like Coca-Cola are telling their employees to “be less white.” 90% of the news media panders to every whim of the racial grievance industry. If you are white, even the whispered remembrance of your use of the n-word from back in high school may get you fired, but if you are young and black, you probably hear the same word blasted through your headphones from the latest rapper on the regular. To be a level-headed black person right now would bring you advantages over whites across the board, and I ain’t mad about it.
So WAP, is there a chance you are naively or inadvertently promoting a counterproductive message to your goals of keeping your son safe?
It’s not my place to tell you how to father your children, but I know one thing for certain, if you choose to fill them with paranoia, fear, and anger toward cops, or cause them to view the world through the lens of their skin color, I fear you are exacerbating the same problem you appear to want to solve. Imagine the conflict of feelings between the white cop who approaches your son’s car, and the beliefs that you and the culture have implanted in him about cops in general.
Yes, it’s hard to voice these thoughts to people raising “black or brown-skinned” children. However, just because you’ve made that wonderful investment in a young life does not mean that your reasoning is not counterproductive or above reproach. And the fact that my sons are white does not mean my reasoning cannot be sound.
99% of the cops out there are not bad guys, but they are also weary of the disrespect they are receiving across this country. So let’s stop adding fuel to a fire that is already out of control. As they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. So we gotta go deeper than that, our future depends on it.
Thanks for considering these thoughts, feel free to push back.
PS: here’s the truth about some other stories I mentioned above:
Joe Biden recently said that George Floyd “had a greater impact than Martin Luther King Jr.” And so goes the narrative. Did you ever see the full George Floyd body cam footage-I mean the whole thing? The dude was resisting arrest for at least 20-30 minutes, sometimes aggressively, sometimes passively. He resisted so much that black folks across the street were yelling at him to “stop resisting!” The three cops were all trying to accommodate him as best they could, while he continued to scream “I can’t breathe!” while standing, long before he tried to flee for the final time, and was finally tackled to the ground, his veins coursing with lethal doses of Fentanyl (maybe his worst choice of the day). Chauvin should never have been on his neck all that time, but Floyd had every chance to never be on the ground in the first place. Even though Chauvin’s actions were egregious, it likely was not the racially motivated hate crime that BLM and the race grievance industry hopes and needs it to be. But many people died and many lives were hurt, due to this perceived narrative.
Breonna Taylor was not asleep in her bed. Her boyfriend was a drug dealer who was actively shooting at the cops. Breonna was awake. He shot a cop in the leg and they fired back. Taylor was in the way. A tragedy, but not a racial hate crime on the part of the cops. The entire narrative was a farce. Oprah and the major media networks should be sued. The Black AG of Kentucky walked through this in detail, but it was about 60 days too late. The mainstream media already had spun their deceptive narrative. Many people died and many lives were hurt, due to the perceived narrative. The narrative is powerful. It’s perverting the meaning of “Justice” into ridiculous and irresponsible things as we saw with the reaction to Jacob Blake’s situation. It’s why Jacob Blake can have a warrant out, be a sexual abuser, and resist arrest while carrying a knife. Then, while recovering from the bullets in his back, Kamala Harris visits him in the hospital and awkwardly calls him a national hero. NFL teams actually wear his name on their helmets. This guy is not a justice hero or someone to be admired. He just made lots of awful choices that he nearly died for. These four events were the fuel tank for the race riots across our land, that have hurt black communities far more than white ones, cost over 2.5 billion dollars of reported damage, and resulted in THIRTY related deaths-mostly minorities, including several little kids. Sadly, I believe Facebook posts like the ones I mentioned previously add fuel to this fire. All these white suburbanites jump on board with these stories because their white guilt is awakened and they feel they lack any moral authority to use basic common sense, so they just toe the line of the MSM narrative or remain silent. After all, it’s really the safer place to be. God forbid a white person talk about common-sense solutions as Candace Owens does so well here: